Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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