I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize