hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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