I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
