my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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