I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
