the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
