You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
