Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
