Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
