honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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