i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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