Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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