Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
