This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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