I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
