Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
