i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
