At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
