at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
