New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
