So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
