I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
