oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
