It was confusing and full of hummus
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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