In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
