Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
