My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
