Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
