Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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