moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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