its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
