If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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