This is not my ceiling
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
