You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
