If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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