I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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