the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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