No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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