Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
