saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
