you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
