I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I could make wine with my vomit
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
