awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
