Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Everclear isn't food dammit
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
