His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
