I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
