..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
dude. I can hear the air.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
