see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
