So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
