Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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