saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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