if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
