just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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