Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
its liver damage thursday
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
