My balls are so social today.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
