I must be too annoying 4 u.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
