So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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