angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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