kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
