just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
