Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
