doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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