just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
