I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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