I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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