Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
