I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
