i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
