Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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