dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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