finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
