My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
