I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
