Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
