I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
